Kyle Jonas

May 1, 2012

First I like to stare at it and breath deeply like I’m about to have a panic attack. I then say things girlishly like “Oh, God. Oh, God. What am I supposed to do! What if it touches me or gets on my leg or something, but if that happens it’s game over!” I stand there a little longer doing psychotherapy calm down methods (Interpreted as you wish). Then I look around and first think of something to grab to kill it, what would keep me at a good distance and uninhabitable while I put this thing out of my misery. So I grab a shoe (most likely, and only so I can get half way towards the creature and throw it hard so it’s like ends quick from what is a godly hand device for this insignificant thing, but while I’m about to go throw down and get rid of this thing, I start thinking… oh, Jesus I hope the damn cat don’t come and start trying to mess with it and make it crawl towards me or possibly risk injury itself. So I’m saying “GO AWAY! Just stop, cat!” She moves away long enough and I kill this (spider in this case) and now the disposal. I could pick it up with toilet paper or a paper towel or something of the sorts, but what if it’s still alive and goes for one last venom injecting sink into my veins, what if I slip and it lands on the top of my hand or on my foot or something else of that nature. So I grab the girls broom and poorly (guy sweeps, you get the picture) sweep it into a dust pan and dump it outside. I then run back in and shut the door quickly and every hair on me is tickling and every time I’m sure it’s a relative of the spider I just killed out to seek revenge, or maybe is a little sicker and watched from afar and is now implanting nest all through the place, in the walls, everywhere, the kind of infestation even John Goodman would be scared of in his role as the exterminator in Arachnophobia. I’d then have to purchase black market explosives and risk my freedom and torch this place in a fiery explosion, bigger and louder than any nuclear test video you may have seen on YouTube. I then will flee to Canada, learn to enjoy hockey, learn to endure the freeze your balls of coldness, and make quick friends while I strike up random conversations with the locals about how awesome Hedley is and I’d make sweet love to Jacob for free.

tl;dr: I hate bugs, I’m like.. a really big wuss when it comes to certain of natures abominations. Canada is okay, sometimes. Hedley is awesome, which is a given. I will use illegal explosive to blow their kind straight to hell, and it will all happen in slow motion and I’ll walk away as it explodes and not look behind me, you know? Like all the cool action hero’s.

(Source: , via radiate-hate)

12:11am | URL: http://tmblr.co/ZtcQ6yKflM9q

(Notes: 55,629)